I have been a Born Again Christian for 26 years, and have been Bi-Polar for the same, if not more years. Now, at the age of 48 I am taking medication (3 months), and trying to find the best combination of medications that best fits my chemistry. My desire is to serve God with a "steadfast heart".
I have been torn with the idea that God can change me if He wants too. All things are possible with God and there is no doubt what so ever that He can do all things if He chooses (His Will). If I do my part in walking the walk and repenting continuously of my sins as I become aware of the He is faith and just to forgive us of all our sins.
I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me. The sins of a man are passed down three generations.
For 26 years I have fought to serve the Lord with all my heart, and for 26 years I have failed and tried again and failed and tried again. One could say that all Christians are human and the desires of our heart are evil and that no man can walk the perfect life. We all strive to serve Him and we all fail and get back up and try again.
There have been so many times that I was serving the Lord and did not want to fail...begged Him to hold onto me as I felt the change began to overcome me...up or down, the tide is vicious with a bi-polar. I have fasted, prayed, begged, cried, and reached out for God to keep me as I felt myself changing. But, for 26 years I could not hold on as depression or manic came over me. I guess I could have chained myself to the bed or locked myself in a room and even then I would have become hyper-sexual or grandiose in my service to Him.
Now I am on my medication and feeling much better about being able to be able to serve Him without a mood swing. I want to repent and am doing just that every day with exception of a few on going sins.
That is why I am posting this: Can one repent with the knowledge that they are in sin in many areas. Has one truly repented in one area, if one knows they are going to continue sin in another are. I smoke...I want to quite...and I plan to quite for the Lord sake and mine. But, I am not going to quite right now because it may cause me to become unstable in all areas and have a major crash. If I choose to repent, and that choice of repentance comes from God and not from my own desire, wouldn't I have such Godly sorrow that I would turn from ever sin in my life?
Is there such a thing as working your way to full repentance?
